I’m Back!

February 5, 2012

So much for nurturing this blog!  I need to take a class in better utilization skills of my time.  🙂

I recently bought a book by Susan Forward, Ph.D. called “Toxic Parents.”  I haven’t cracked it open as of yet, but I feel my reluctance to get started may just be that I hate to delve into all that crap again.

It seems that every time I do, I find no answers and many more questions.  One constant is the why.  Why did I always feel like I was an intrusion?  Why did I feel like I didn’t matter?  Why did my parents bother to have children?  Why did my mother look the other way when she knew full well that her six-year-old daughter was being molested by a thirty year old family member?  Did she love her brother more than her own child?  If so, why?

Did my father know?  He worked on the road a lot but still; he should’ve known.




November 28, 2011

I’ve gotten on a bread baking jag as of late.  I’m sure that beside the obvious reason one bakes bread  (you know; so one can HAVE bread) it’s some sort of nesting ritual.

Plain and simple, I miss my kids and grand kids.  I want to be around them and share in fun and fellowship.  I want to see them all everyday, which is not possible living in Alaska.  I have this enormous need to do many types of cooking to subsitute for spending time with them.

I’ve never had as hard a time making friends before as I’ve experienced here.  I just don’t feel a sense of community or belonging.  I feel that it may be time to throw in the towel on this whole “adventure” here, at least for me it is.  Life is just too damned short to feel so alone.



November 20, 2011

So, if you can help someone save their self from themselves, does that rescue you?

I’m not sure if that question is grammatically sound, but it is a recurrent thought that runs through my head periodically.  I know that helping others has a definite boomerang benefit.  It just feels good. Feels right.  I’m not talking about banking up karma, because I feel that you have to give because you want to.  To keep a tally of your good deeds, and expect tit-for-tat doesn’t jive.  It doesn’t work that way.

I’m just asking that if you are on that slippery slope of self-doubt and loathing, can reaching out  to help steady the guy next to you on that ledge redeem your soul?

Will that quell the voice of doubt and disgust?

How does one restore their original self?

Is it even possible?

This is the question that loops in my mind nearly non-stop.

Every.  Single.  Day.


It’s a Whole New Game

November 19, 2011

Well, here it is.  The blog that’s just for me.  My plan for this blog is to think through and hash out situations and subject matter that is importnat to me.  Events in my past and current happenings as I see fit.

If you don’t agree with my views, that’s fine.  We can dicuss things in comments, but no spam or abuse will be tolerated.   This is my site and therefore, my space to speak my mind and voice my opinions.  If you don’t like it , so be it.  Feel free to start your own page.

This is my new baby.  I plan to nurture this blog the way I see fit.